NEWSFLASH - the movie times change on Friday morning

It seems strange to me, but apparently there are still people out there who don't know that Friday is the day when all the movies change. Yes, I know. Sometimes there are week-day openers but those are almost always around a holiday to spread the holiday weekend out. So, seriously, don't most people know that the new movies come out on Friday?

For my theater, you can get the movie times from sites on the internet, from our own website, from the newspaper, from the free independent artsy newspaper, from the front of our building, and from our phone line. We go to a lot of trouble to make sure that all those venues agree and are accurate. Yet, EVERY FREAKIN' DAY we get someone who comes in for a movie at a time other than when we are playing it - who then informs me that "That's what the paper said!" EVERY TIME this happens, I get out whatever it is they said they saw this wrong time in and show them that no, it did not say that. Then, a little more conversation will go on where they try to convince me that their paper had different times (because the local paper has nothing better to do than to print different versions of the same paper and deliver just that one copy to their house.).  Usually, we end up finding out that, well, no - it was __________day's paper I checked - from last week. So, all that self-righteous indignation wasted on finding out that yup, they are an idiot. Yet, they will still stand there angry as hell that I can't just magically change the movie time to suit their personal needs. Nevermind all the people who were smart enough to check the correct listings for the correct day and are expecting the movie at those times. . . NO, I should accommodate the people who can't think or read.

Seriously, you wouldn't believe how angry people get because the movie isn't being offered at the exact same time as it was last week. Or worse, if we haven't kept the movie long enough for them, personally, to see it. It's ridiculous how some people seem to think that they are my only customer.

Which is a whole different rant I will go on sometimes - people who want special priveleges because "I'm your best customer! I come here all the time!"  Those people rank slightly under people who try to impress my workers by saying "I know the owner you know." (My workers always think back - ummm, so do I)

Now for those of you who are just curious, here's why the movie times change. We run anywhere from 4 to 8 movies depending on if we are doing 1 movie per screen or 2. In between each movie showing, we need to have 10 - 15 minutes for my workers to clean the auditoriums. We can't have movies start at exactly the same time because we literally can not be in two places at one time to thread the film and start the projectors. Usually we have at least 5 minutes between start times. But also, we try to spread out the big audience draws as much as possible so that our concession stand is not overwhelmed with 200 people at one time but maybe two groups of 100 people twenty-five minutes apart. That way everyone gets better service and I can run my business with less workers. Plus, we are trying to squeeze in as many shows of each  movie as we can into our day. Each week usually brings at least one new movie as we try to rotate in new stuff, but movies are rarely exactly the same length. So, each week, we have to start from scratch and rebalance the movie schedule. So, contrary to Mr. & Mrs. Crabbypants, we don't change them just to mess with people.

Questions I've seriously been asked

Are you open on Saturdays?

Are you the theater that got torn down?

Do you get the movies for free?

Can you pause the movie so I can go get my reading glasses?

Is it okay if my friend comes in with me for a little while?

Can I use this ticket to come back tomorrow?

Is it okay if I bring in McDonalds?

Can I borrow your copy of _________ to use in my classroom?

Have you met George Lucas?

Can you give me directions to the other movie theater in town? 

How many of us fall in love at the movies?

Is there a more cliche association than love and the movies? I guess it's cliche because it's true. Standing behind the counter, I am in an unique position to observe the myriad of forms that love presents itself between people. It's like being the proverbial fly on the wall. 

I love to see the  "first date". This couple stands out from the minute they hit the parking lot. You can see it in the way they get out of the car, walk near (but not too near) each other and try to appear casual and relaxed as they approach the building. Standing in line, they try just a little too hard to keep up a conversation. Or worse, not talking at all, uncomfortable in knowing they don't know enough yet to talk. Then, one or the other will speak up and order. I'm pleased to report that the "host" for the evening (you know, the one paying!) no longer has any set rule and is just as likely to be either person. It's almost fun to try to guess which one is going to take the lead and tell me what they want to see. I love to see how the newly dating go through a courtship ritual of "which movie was it again?" "Are you sure that's the one you want to see?""Oh, I like almost anything - you pick." which then moves down the counter to "Do you like popcorn?""What do you want to eat?""Are you a chewy candy person or a chocolate person?"  The give and take and compromise and little peeks into personal preference, it's all part of the dance.

I love to see the established couple. They already know the answers. They already know who is going to tell me the movie and who is going to order the food. They have the routine down pat. They are an intricate system of pulleys and gears that swing and pull in a perfect rhythm. These are the people who have developed a whole personal language complete with sign language. It's fun to see the whole conversation that goes on underneath the one they are publicly having with me.  
     "We'll have two to . . . " - "I can't even say it . .maybe she'll change her mind"
      "Cry Me a River" - "we've already discussed this! I'm not seeing 3 hours of blood & guts. 
      "Yup, that's it. - Is it good?"  - "Please say it sucks, please please please please"
     "thanks - do you want popcorn?"  -  "C'mon, I'll let you have saturated fat tonight"


I get to see all sorts of flashes of love 
    - the mom who goes to see Transformers 2 with her 10 year old son. I can see the dread in her eyes as she hits the door but she's there enjoying the rare opportunity to sit for 2 hours with her boy and he thinks his mom's the coolest for taking him - but is starting to hope none of his friends see him.
    - the dad who drops off 4 gigglers all wearing their Team Edward shirts, who offers up the ticket and snack money, then drifts to the side of the lobby and waits.
    - the grandma, overwhelmed by the noise and chatter of her grands. I know she's there to try to lift a little of the burden of her own over-stressed child by taking this gang to the movies.
    - the old friends who meet every Sunday to share a few hours of time together and maybe a glass of wine.
    - the couple already on the path to break-up, but bonding together for a short time with a common pastime.
    - the recent retiree who always goes to whatever his daughter, who lives in another state, went to last weekend - so they can talk about it on their weekly phone call.
    - the lover who patiently holds all the popcorn, drinks, tickets, sweater and purse while her date pops into the bathroom one last time.

Sometimes my  job is a privelege.

   

I DON'T MAKE THE DAMN MOVIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, let's get something straight. I own the movie theater. Hollywood makes the movies. You pay me money to see them. If you pay me - I go and start the projector. At no time, do I have any say or input into the script, the casting, the directing, cinematography or any other production side of things. I don't even know these people.

Here's the bottom line - As my Dad likes to quote - "You pays your money, You takes your chances"

So, people, don't come out of a movie you hate and ask me to refund your money. You purchased a chance to see something. It isn't my fault if you didn't like it. It's not the same as sending  back an entree you didn't like or turns out to taste horrible. The chef in the restaurant you are in actually created that dish and must stand behind it. It's not the same as buying a shirt and then changing your mind when you get home. The store can still resell that shirt.  Most of all, don't watch most - or all - of the movie and then think I'm giving you a refund.

Here's some things to think about. 

• First, you asked me to play the movie, so now I have a projector using a lot of electricity. That projector is now committed to playing all the way through the movie whether you continue watching or not. Also, the light bulb the projector uses has a finite life to it. And it costs around 500 dollars a pop.
  

• Second, I have to pay a huge percentage of my ticket sale directly to the studio. They DON"T issue refunds! Why should I have to pay for your personal taste?
  

• Third, you are an intelligent human being (in theory). Take some time to find something out about the film you are going to see. Make sure it is something you might like. Read some reviews. Talk to some people. However, don't ask me or my employees if it is a "good movie". I don't know you. What I think is good and what you think is good are not likely to be the same thing. My employees aren't going to risk their jobs by telling you not to see something. Besides, when was the last time you had anything in common with a teen-ager?

• What other entertainment venue do you know of that issues a refund based on your evaluation of your own experience? You don't get a refund if the Packers lose. You don't get your ski pass refunded if you didn't enjoy that trip down the hill. You don't get your money back if the fat lady doesn't sing to your satisfaction. No passes issued if the lion tamer gets nipped.

Folks, here's the bottom line. There's a lot of crap out there masquerading as movies. Some of the things the studios pump out can barely be watched by anyone. But, this is not news. I'm not telling you some grand revelation. I am a business owner. I am not here as a charity service to make your day better. I'm pretty happy if you end up having a better day but that is not my purpose in life. My purpose in life is to make money not give it away.

Inglorious Basterds

I dunno what is up with the old ladies in this town. It's like a migration of blood-thirsty little old grannies in and out of that theater. They are LOVING it. Make note Quentin - you have a whole new demographic.

And so it begins. . . .

Welcome to my first blog.
So, why a blog?
Because you people are driving me NUTS!

Several years ago when I first opened my own little theater, it seemed like such a fun and exciting way to spend my twilight years. Just me and my spouse watching films and sharing them with people who love films. I imagined days of intense cinematic discussions in the lobby over lattes and teens on their first date and families who trusted that my place would have quality entertainment for them.
Okay, well maybe I did get that. But I got a whole lot more that I hadn't counted on.

So, here's my plan. I'm going to ruminate and vent and suggest and compliment and share the life of a small theater owner. I'm keeping myself a secret to protect the guilty and avoid insulting the innocent. AND YOU KNOW WHICH ONE YOU ARE!!!!!

So, please buy a ticket and sit back in your comfy chair, slurp on a soda, munch some corn and enjoy. But, please, keep your feet off the seats!